State of the Union (No, not *that* Union)

A check-in at the half-way point about how this is going (and a Future Self Journal)

I should probably have done this yesterday (the first day of the second 15-day stint of my 30-day journey) but who among us is a mathematician or a pedant?

Certainly not I!

That’s some SERIOUS math back there on that chalkboard, and not just AI jibberish. Pinky swear.

(Confession: I’m no mathematician, but you better believe I’m pedantic when it comes to the English language, issues of social justice, and the correct use of most diagnostic terms from the DSM-V. (Confession #2: I’m actually trying not to be pedantic about the rules of English anymore, because gatekeeping language is stupid and white supremacist and colonizy and gross. But also, grammar is fun! And words are neat! And rules can be fun to follow! (I’m sure you can see that the language lover in me is torn. (This is my fourth parenthetical within this nesting doll of parentheticals (CAN YOU TELL I HAVE ADHD???)))))

ANYHOW, let’s do our analysis. How are things going?

Welp? It’s 9:39am on a Sunday. The sun is shinging. I’m about to take Princess the Dog of Champions to daycare where she will have the time of her life. And I’m already done with my morning pages, and am knocking this post out, all before noon.

So, it’s going well.

Anxiety check: how am I feeling about this goal these days?

Not sure exactly what has led to what, but I am feeling much better. It could be just because of time. It could have something to do with the posts that I am writing to my teenage self (hi teenage self! I love you.) But, I think it makes sense that as my mind begins to identify with this new “me,” and begins to care less and less about the amorphous fears it is attempting to bring resolve from the past, things are starting to feel easier and more flowy.

TIME HOP:

It’s now 3:10pm and I’m sitting in a coffee shop typing away before my Artist’s Way meeting (that meets on Sundays at 4:00). Things still feel good today, but I always have this weird, dirty little fear as time within a day passes by. This is a throw back, for sure. The feeling of “not having done enough” or “not having done the right things” ever present, no matter what I do, no matter how “productive” I am. This is old trauma, and it’s something I think about often. Don’t have time to really dive deep into at the moment, but maybe someday.

That vegan wrap thingie was bomb, btw

Now for the piece de resistance:

Future Self Journal check-in for the middway point. (For those who don’t know, I neglected to do the journal the last two days, and I think it is a deeply important component of what is happening here—indeed the very thing that might be helping this process take shape and form, and alter parts of my identity—so I committed to doing it publicly today. Plus, for anyone following along, here’s another example.)

I’m just doing the second part—the part I do daily. For the first part you’ll have to referenced this post from a million years ago (aka two weeks ago).

Area of focus: Posting on substack every day for 30 days.

Daily affirmations:

–Even if nobody reads my work, there is value in putting it into the world
–I am good at follow-through
–I can share creatively every day and never run out
–My thoughts and ideas are truly abundant, and my creativity never runs out
–Posting every day on Substack gets easier and easier as the days go by
–I am deserving of, and get get, excellent sleep

Today I will focus on shifting my pattern of:

Falling out of the habit of doing my Future Self Journal daily as part of this project.

I’m grateful for:

The delicious chai and wrap I am enjoying here in this cute cafe.
The “Artist’s Way” group I am about to attend, and all the support and connections I experience there
This computer with which I can create
The fact that it is the 17th and I haven’t faltered once!

3 traits my future self will have are:

1. A high level of confidence as a writer and as someone who shares writing online
2. High conscious awareness of the parts of my internal self that may be trying to prevent me from doing scary things.
3. A solid beautiful relationship with my inner child, and a harmonious flow of intention within myself towards my goals and intentions.

I have an opportunity to be my future self today when I:

Press “publish” on this bitch.

The person I am becoming will experience more:

Synchrnocity. Internal harmony. Writing opportunities. Even more structure around when and how to execute the task of writing, but in a way that feels correct and delicious.

____________

Aaaaaand scene. It feels good to have done that today. It is my intention, I should also state aloud (er, on this screen) to do tomorrow’s FSJ in the morning as part of my morning routine so I can integrate it back into my day.

Also, a loose intention: I think I’d like to try to finish my post before I go to work in the morning tomorrow. I won’t post it till the evening, but I think I’m going to try to have that thing ready and rarin’.

Was this so ridiculously boring?

Here. Here’s a picture of clowns doing jumping jacks in a candystore.

clowns doing jumping jacks in a candy store

(Okay, AI is officially WILD.)

Goodnight, all.

Joshua