The soul of ethics is to ask: “What if everyone did what I am doing?”
Society stigmatizes, or “others,” behavior that isn’t good for the group. And rightly so. It’s how we’ve survived as a species over millennia. A clock doesn’t invent time; it communicates a reality. The sun rises and sets when it does, whether we heed it or not. That’s not colonalization; that’s the universe.
Imagine if “Josh Weed Time” were applied generally, to any setting, in society and the world. Misery would ensue.
Now. Apply the principle to others of your favorite topics.
Thanks so much for addressing this. I found this a fascinating read and I have a better understanding of the underlying idea that we can put ourselves down to beat others to it, almost in hopes that they see we know how worthless they are and just move on instead of wasting their energy pointing it out. I'm working on being better at self-talk. My ex-husband cheated, and that will certainly do a number on anyone's confidence, but I'm at a pretty happy point in life. I really enjoy the glimpse into your life and how good you are at explaining lofty concepts. Thanks again.
Yes! Thank you for laying out the process. And indeed, belonging is such a basic need, this makes sense, especially to a significant portion of my life in elementary school. My family moved to a different country and I became obsessed with following all kinds of stated and unstated new cultural norms in a 3rd grade kind of a way. For instance, I insisted that my new school uniform skirt had to be a SPECIFIC one that my poor mom never quite succeeded in finding. And even at the time I knew that she had quite a few other things on her plate besides me demanding pleated vs unpleated skirt.
I want to add another layer to this, again from family history, and again, most fortunately, not from a very young age (because the younger we are when this stuff hits us, the deeper it's wired into us). For a short while we didn't have a phone at home. I was 11. My mom got sick. My dad was supposed to phone the doctor from his office (where he had a phone) but he kept forgetting. After two weeks, when my mom was REALLY sick, he finally remembered and the doctor paid a house call and listened to her lungs and had her go to the hospital immediately. She had double viral pneumonia and was pretty sick. This really shook us all up, including my dad, and I personally learned to never be careless or make a mistake not just because it could lead to social ostracization, but because it could literally kill someone I loved.
A lot of my current self-healing work involves me working through those triggered voices (they are quite frantic, you can imagine) that have since been attached to anything my psyche perceives as dangerous - either social or physical. I have to come "online" with the voices, acknowledge them, and if possible, slowly work through the reality of life - that we all make mistakes. All the time. That sometimes, no matter what I choose to do - drive when tired to support my child who is in labor or decide to stay home instead - both decisions may be a mistake. No matter what I choose, I will have some level of regret. Choosing-perfectly-always is not an option, though parts of me still (again, desperately) want it to be an option and want me to follow that non-existent, not-possible option. So that's where my healing is at the moment.
Thank you, Josh, both for understanding these dynamics, for explaining them so clearly, and for being such a good example of the messiness of the life-long healing process. It's messy, but also beautiful - and it WORKS!
The soul of ethics is to ask: “What if everyone did what I am doing?”
Society stigmatizes, or “others,” behavior that isn’t good for the group. And rightly so. It’s how we’ve survived as a species over millennia. A clock doesn’t invent time; it communicates a reality. The sun rises and sets when it does, whether we heed it or not. That’s not colonalization; that’s the universe.
Imagine if “Josh Weed Time” were applied generally, to any setting, in society and the world. Misery would ensue.
Now. Apply the principle to others of your favorite topics.
Thanks so much for addressing this. I found this a fascinating read and I have a better understanding of the underlying idea that we can put ourselves down to beat others to it, almost in hopes that they see we know how worthless they are and just move on instead of wasting their energy pointing it out. I'm working on being better at self-talk. My ex-husband cheated, and that will certainly do a number on anyone's confidence, but I'm at a pretty happy point in life. I really enjoy the glimpse into your life and how good you are at explaining lofty concepts. Thanks again.
Yes! Thank you for laying out the process. And indeed, belonging is such a basic need, this makes sense, especially to a significant portion of my life in elementary school. My family moved to a different country and I became obsessed with following all kinds of stated and unstated new cultural norms in a 3rd grade kind of a way. For instance, I insisted that my new school uniform skirt had to be a SPECIFIC one that my poor mom never quite succeeded in finding. And even at the time I knew that she had quite a few other things on her plate besides me demanding pleated vs unpleated skirt.
I want to add another layer to this, again from family history, and again, most fortunately, not from a very young age (because the younger we are when this stuff hits us, the deeper it's wired into us). For a short while we didn't have a phone at home. I was 11. My mom got sick. My dad was supposed to phone the doctor from his office (where he had a phone) but he kept forgetting. After two weeks, when my mom was REALLY sick, he finally remembered and the doctor paid a house call and listened to her lungs and had her go to the hospital immediately. She had double viral pneumonia and was pretty sick. This really shook us all up, including my dad, and I personally learned to never be careless or make a mistake not just because it could lead to social ostracization, but because it could literally kill someone I loved.
A lot of my current self-healing work involves me working through those triggered voices (they are quite frantic, you can imagine) that have since been attached to anything my psyche perceives as dangerous - either social or physical. I have to come "online" with the voices, acknowledge them, and if possible, slowly work through the reality of life - that we all make mistakes. All the time. That sometimes, no matter what I choose to do - drive when tired to support my child who is in labor or decide to stay home instead - both decisions may be a mistake. No matter what I choose, I will have some level of regret. Choosing-perfectly-always is not an option, though parts of me still (again, desperately) want it to be an option and want me to follow that non-existent, not-possible option. So that's where my healing is at the moment.
Thank you, Josh, both for understanding these dynamics, for explaining them so clearly, and for being such a good example of the messiness of the life-long healing process. It's messy, but also beautiful - and it WORKS!